Monday, June 29, 2009
what's that all over your face?
today, i was in aisle 4 of the supermarket trying to find a new shampoo. i was sniffing the coconut one but i couldn't really get a whiff... so what did I do? i gave it a little squeeze. i meant to simply poof the fragrance up towards my nose, but instead caused a shampoo eruption all over my face. it was up my nose, in my mouth, it was all over my shirt, everywhere. i was so embarrassed. people passed as i tried to stick my face inside my large canvas bag pretending i needed to stick my whole face in to look for something. really i was just wiping my tongue and trying to blow the suds out of my nose. they were probably thinking, idiot, we all know you were smelling the shampoo and squeezed it all over your face.
Monday, June 22, 2009
the joys of irish living
i feel inspired today to share two interesting "irish living" episodes.
1. a few days ago, i heard a loud bang. it sounded like someone was in the house. i thought, hmm, that's weird, nobody could be here, i must have imagined it. a few minutes later, another loud noise. i decided to go check it out. when i came downstairs from the office to the kitchen doorway, something black darted through the air past my head and hit the window. it was a bird who possessed by santa came down the chimney. scared shitless, i slammed the kitchen door.
all i could think was, bird's don't come down chimneys in the US of A, do they? i mean, what the f-ck do you do when there's a bird flying around your kitchen? well, i did what any brave bird chaser would do. mind you, i'm not as scared of birds as i am of spiders and flying insects, but you all know how i'm afraid living things are going to get stuck inside my hair and all i could picture was me with a flailing bird as a hair accessory. I put on a baseball hat and a long coat with a hood, and grabbed an umbrella (i don't know what i was going to use this for-- i just felt i might need a weapon) and i opened the kitchen door. there was silence. i tiptoed quietly through the kitchen towards the back door to open it.
Squak! bird takes off from it's hiding place and i'm screaming bloody murder... so is it, yelling and flying into walls and windows. i take to the crawl position (like you're supposed to do if you're trying to get out of a smokey building) i open the door (having to drop my umbrella in the process) and a second later, out flies my feathered friend. has this freaking country never heard of a screen on top of the chimney? and oh yes, much like santa claus, this little guy left presents too.
2. right now i am sitting in my office. i have a large window that overlooks our back yard and those of the neighbors. (town houses.) the man across the way is at this moment, sitting outside sunning himself in his bright blue speedo, that is especially startling against his fire engine red skin (which obviously does not need any additional sun).
i stand firm that irish people are absolutely crazy. they are whiter than white, but you'd have a hard time finding any SPF over 15 in this country. i won't even dare to wear SPF 6, let alone the Zero SPF tanning accelerator my white-ass neighbor bought the other day. WTF? Please wear sunscreen. White is much hotter than bright, painful looking red. Oh GOD, I just looked over again and he's standing up and picking his speedos out of his ass. SPEEDOS should be illegal too.
So anyway, who wants to come visit?
xo.
1. a few days ago, i heard a loud bang. it sounded like someone was in the house. i thought, hmm, that's weird, nobody could be here, i must have imagined it. a few minutes later, another loud noise. i decided to go check it out. when i came downstairs from the office to the kitchen doorway, something black darted through the air past my head and hit the window. it was a bird who possessed by santa came down the chimney. scared shitless, i slammed the kitchen door.
all i could think was, bird's don't come down chimneys in the US of A, do they? i mean, what the f-ck do you do when there's a bird flying around your kitchen? well, i did what any brave bird chaser would do. mind you, i'm not as scared of birds as i am of spiders and flying insects, but you all know how i'm afraid living things are going to get stuck inside my hair and all i could picture was me with a flailing bird as a hair accessory. I put on a baseball hat and a long coat with a hood, and grabbed an umbrella (i don't know what i was going to use this for-- i just felt i might need a weapon) and i opened the kitchen door. there was silence. i tiptoed quietly through the kitchen towards the back door to open it.
Squak! bird takes off from it's hiding place and i'm screaming bloody murder... so is it, yelling and flying into walls and windows. i take to the crawl position (like you're supposed to do if you're trying to get out of a smokey building) i open the door (having to drop my umbrella in the process) and a second later, out flies my feathered friend. has this freaking country never heard of a screen on top of the chimney? and oh yes, much like santa claus, this little guy left presents too.
2. right now i am sitting in my office. i have a large window that overlooks our back yard and those of the neighbors. (town houses.) the man across the way is at this moment, sitting outside sunning himself in his bright blue speedo, that is especially startling against his fire engine red skin (which obviously does not need any additional sun).
i stand firm that irish people are absolutely crazy. they are whiter than white, but you'd have a hard time finding any SPF over 15 in this country. i won't even dare to wear SPF 6, let alone the Zero SPF tanning accelerator my white-ass neighbor bought the other day. WTF? Please wear sunscreen. White is much hotter than bright, painful looking red. Oh GOD, I just looked over again and he's standing up and picking his speedos out of his ass. SPEEDOS should be illegal too.
So anyway, who wants to come visit?
xo.
Friday, April 24, 2009
animals gone wild
Was it a full moon yesterday? Because first I got attacked by a little bastard of a dog while I was out walking, then I saw this on the news. It's not a joke-- it was actually on the news yesterday. Oh Ireland, sometimes I do love you.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
something special in my sweatshirt
barry and i went to see slumdog millionaire last night. i was wearing jeans and a wrap sweatshirt that my mom gave me for christmas. the sweatshirt has a hood that's lined with fluffy furry stuff.
as we're walking out the door, barry starts to giggle and tells me to "hang on." he then proceeds to rescue a pair of underwear out of my fluffy hood.
and they weren't cute ones either. they were granny panties. big white ones with smiley faces on them.
i wonder how many times i've walked around town with granny panties hanging from my clothing...
as we're walking out the door, barry starts to giggle and tells me to "hang on." he then proceeds to rescue a pair of underwear out of my fluffy hood.
and they weren't cute ones either. they were granny panties. big white ones with smiley faces on them.
i wonder how many times i've walked around town with granny panties hanging from my clothing...
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
there's no one as irish as barack o'bama
thanks to ginger for sending this over. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HplZ_taHXLM
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
getting the new year off to a good start
this is funniest thing i've ever seen. it's a song. it's called the boulder, and it's written by colleen, aka the communicatrix, who is a brilliant communicator and musician.
please enjoy it here.
and check of the rest of her blog (http://www.communicatrix.com/)- it's full of insights that will either make you think or pee your pants, or both. xo, d
please enjoy it here.
and check of the rest of her blog (http://www.communicatrix.com/)- it's full of insights that will either make you think or pee your pants, or both. xo, d
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